Sunday, July 26, 2009
Chapter 9:
at 03:21
I'm super sick now. & after eating 2 rounds of medicine, I feel even more sick.
):
Symtoms:
High fever of > 38�C; I just reached 38.3
Cough; yeapps.
Sore throat; agree
Runny nose; agree
Body aches; yes.
I want to die.
):
LOL.
My mommy asked me to go hide in my room ):
& the fever medicine says I have to eat 2 tablets every six hours.
AFTER food.
How am I gonna eat so much food if I'm sleeping.
o.O
Eat & sleep, sleep & eat.
Great..
Can't even watch NWKC ):
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Chapter 8:
at 23:40
Dear friend,
Thank you for listening to me on the way home today.
I really felt rather overwhelmed last week when I felt that no one can comprehend me but I didn't want to tell anyone in the team 'cause of sensitivity issues.
But, after letting out to you, I felt a lot better.
Moreover, after training on Monday, I came to a realisation.
It doesn't matter which type of starting I had, I just had to know I have to push to finish with you guys.
That's my goal for now.
Though, it's undeniable that I feel ): and rather unjustified, but I know I can't do anything to affect his decision.
So I will just have to wait.
Meanwhile I just have to ensure that I get stronger.
I wanted to attempt to speak to him, but I feel that misunderstandings will arise.
So, I let it go.
What more can I do?
But, I'm not doing this unwillingly, 'cause I'm proud and happy to be a part of all of you.
It's just not time for me.
Everything happens for a reason, I know that I'm unaware of the reason, & definitely feels saddened by the event.
But, I just have to trust him, else, who can I trust now?
I had felt defeated and discouraged, feeling that all I've done have gone to waste.
But, I beg to differ now.
Sigh, I'm 80% optimistic now!
The 20%..well, it's inevitable.
I find myself dreading the 'verdict', and I cannot be as relaxed now.
Perhaps, it's a blessing in disguise because I found out that there's still so much space for me to push into.
At least that I know that canoeing's practically my life now.
(:
.
When I was young, I used to sit on the couch, and looked at the clock, waiting for minutes to passed just to catch a glimpse of the clock hand moving.
('cause I could never understand why the clock moves without me catching it at work, and I was rather proud of myself to watch the clock moving)
Now, I doubt I have such luxury to just watch thing happen because I want to.
Life is not as idle and luxurious as I want it to be.
But, with such races against time, I find myself working hard.
Time, is an essential part of my life without me realising.
I lose it; I race for it.
I whine, because I have a lack of it.
I run and sprint at the last hundred metres to see a lower timing.
I use it to gauge my im/deprovements.
Time..simple yet complex
:/
2 years, long or short?
It all depends.
I thought that 2 years would be hard to survive.
Guess what, a quarter of it has passed.
I always though I will die(or just faint from sheer exhaustion) from running.
But it's just 2/3 more minutes.
& yet I felt it's so looooong.
Today, getting back my Math Blocks, I realise I really have no time to lose.
Trainings will ONLY get tougher, I am so not going to live in self-delusion.
Mrs Sim's kind-hearted comment and expectation made me felt that I've let her down.
:/
It's time to get started.
Talk gets me nowhere.
(:
WHOOSH!
:D
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Chapter 7:
at 00:24
Frankly speaking, to say I'm not disappointed is a lie.
Or, to simply put it, to say I'm disappointed is indeed an understatement.
& there's nothing I can do about the situation.
I don't even know what to make out of it 'cause I can't even comprehend the rationale.
How?
I'm currently full of doubts & I don't even know why I try so hard for.
Just what am I lacking?
& I don't what to stoop so low to make ludicrous comparisons.
Trying so hard to make some progress.
& trying so hard to gain approval and acknowledgement.
Is it worth it?
I had felt that last week was my fault.
What about now?
Sigh.
I really do not like to feel so negative.
But, I can't really control it.
How can one not feel when she cares about the matter?
I really want to know why, but maybe I don't 'cause it might proved to be adouble blow.
What am I supposed to do?
Or am I not doing enough?
I need to keep my spirits up.
But what if I can't?
This hurts.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Chapter 6:
at 23:29
BLOCKS FINALLY ENDED.
Not that I studied hard, but I'm glad it's over.
Though my crap generating skills failed terribly during Biology, it's okay!~
.
Went out with (7/12) team today to Raffles City & Suntec.
Sometimes, I wonder what put us all 12 together.
The differences, the similarities, so cool yet so puzzling.
(:
I once thought the two years I will have is so dead and bleak.
But I'm really happy in such crazy company!
:D
她们都是我的"团人们"!
CAN STUDY TOGETHER, TALK TOGETHER, TRAIN TOGETHER, CAPSIZE TOGETHER, GET CRAZY TOGETHER.
What more do I want?
:D
Things in school are brightening up.
I'm getting all ready to start school (officially) 'cause there's was a period I was so overwhelmed that I kinda screwed up my life.
Like, just feel like doing nothing and not studying despite once promising myself that I'll work hard.
I think H1N1 gave me a chance to clear up my life.
(Sounds so ironic!)
Well, it gives me time to catch a breath and get things in order 'cause of e-learning!
I'm motivated!
:D
.
I don't wish to live to regret.
I want to give my best and be committed to everything and everyone.
YES!
But, sometimes, when will I know when is the time to give up & let go?
Or am I supposed to hold on till I'm the last man left?
Life's such a chore.
):
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